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02 November 2002 @ 11:15 am
it's not supposed to make cents  
so here are my bouts of words misused and all. there are the things you say in your head and there are the things you really say. well my head is always babbling and i wonder if i will ever say any of that to someone. will i ever be so rapid? in life i say nothing. mounds of people tell me i dont talk enough and i am too quiet and it doesnt bother me i just wonder if it is bad?

next year steven intends to come to school here..and part of me is happy and part of me is jealous that he can do that kinda thing and i cant. why cant i? because i have horrible credit? and not much money? i doubt it.or because i dont have good enough reason i dont dream myself to be much? it doesnt matter how nicely he looks at me.. and i plead for him to look me in the eyes..sometimes he just cant and i always have been able to with everyone even if i do blush i just need to look them in the eyes it makes me feel awkward to not look people in the eyes. guilty even so what does that mean?

my dad is yelling up stairs about something which makes me want to retire to my room quickly. not much is happening this weekend.. just working. i have to make up a list for this new project i voluteered to do for church.. i am taking photos of all the people/families for the directory.. and it made me so excited when i found out.. i love little things i get to make.. i just dont know if my photo taking skills are up to it.

steven and i were planning on him to come up here for thanksgiving but tickets became way too expensive so now we are aiming for newyears.. which is good.. you know i have never been with someone on new years. gosh. being as corrupted as people have claimed to corrupting me it is strange.. sometimes to admit to that. i cant help but end in prepositions ever. i am greatly grammatically incorrect constantly.

(the yelling stopped a paragraph ago so i am still here)

i feel lost today. and i dont know how to fix that. everything i think i want is so far away and hurtful to even think of because of the distance..because of possibilities you cant find out unless you do the difficulties.

i replaced the broken stereo this week with a mini version.. i dressed up kinda for halloween.. i have dreams about spanish class and steven tells me it's cause that is the extent of me getting out (to places besides church and walmart).. he's probably right. heh.

sugar.1 o'clock.the way my legs shake.he's away.you are too.

okay i am not going to forget why i came here and what i have to do.

Current Mood: dont worry i am not depressed
Current Music: +belle&sebastian+
haiducfyre on November 2nd, 2002 03:15 pm (UTC)
everything i think i want is so far away and hurtful to even think of because of the distance..because of possibilities you cant find out unless you do the difficulties.

hmm.. that makes me thing.
and sometimes it's just so hard... to do the difficulties.

...I probably don't even have a clue what you're talking about. Perhaps this comment means something else to me.... perhaps not. but yes.. sometimes there are possibilities out there and well.. it's just too damn hard to..
Okay, there was no way I could complete that sentence and have it make ANY kind of sense, so I just let it be.

*long hug*
You're not lost...
You're right where you are.
casualdick on November 4th, 2002 06:34 pm (UTC)
I wish that I could be anything like you.

belly gone badmarabell on November 4th, 2002 07:09 pm (UTC)
whats that supposed to mean mikey dearest?

ive missed you.. ive wondered of you and why we dont talk so often anymore.. i think it is cause we are both quiet people without oppurtunity.. but alas.. one of us must be loud :)

love you so much!!

casualdick on November 6th, 2002 04:53 pm (UTC)

Everything you say and all the pictures you do are so beautiful, deep, and meaningful. I'm so drunk and worthless to everything and everyone.

I don't know why we don't talk. We should email. I can't remember your email.

I have been doing journaling lately but I have been saving it to myself only. I'm trying to reach a new level of honesty that I couldn't do online. Nobody read my entries antyway.

belly gone badmarabell on November 8th, 2002 07:15 am (UTC)
i read your one about the election.. i havent seen ones since that.. and drunk? literally or figuratively? i probably spelled that wrong.. you are not worthless!! grr that should have been said first.. mikey you are wonderful.. just people dont realize it cause you kinda are a mysterious type that people dont know about.. so open up to us mikey.. show us some bubbly skin :)

love you.. i will email you..cause i want to get a new address.. and it would be pointless of me to give you one i am going to change right away right? you could just send it to the aol one if you want.. or dehm0010@tc.umn.edu.. k?that should work..

enough from me +m