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belly gone bad
16 December 2002 @ 04:20 am
"it's my turn to be the smart woman"
said her stormy tongue
incased by toys r us lips
while loving the man with pick pocket hands
 
 
belly gone bad
12 December 2002 @ 04:16 pm
this morning: when getting ready i saw a piece of glitter on my eyeball so i rubbed and rubbed and it would not come out.. i was highly surprised that it was not irritateing it at all and my vision didnt feel funny and no.. it was not the reflection of the light.. it was a little dim sliver square speck of glitter. i thought.. then i concentrated on the right eye and there was another one in there too.. i wonder if they have always beent here.. is this what they call the spark in your eyes? if so. i think mine is growing back. i hadnt even recognized it.. it has been so long.

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belly gone bad
09 November 2002 @ 08:53 pm



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went for a walk today.. it was gorgeous. thought about alot... remembered walks by the woods where we lived in wisconsin.. when i had nothing better to do.. but then it was the thing i enjoyed best. i think it is the woods.. and fields.. something about fantasizing tip toeing around those places gets into me.. i should take my camera along next time.. the textures of the landscape gracefully taking on autumn is wonderful--you should all see it.
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i have been reading harry potter..have i mentioned this? i have a thing for professor snape.. i want him.. i have dreams about him..verging on naughty.. hehe! oh gosh i have said too much.
 
 
belly gone bad
09 November 2002 @ 10:07 am

not yet quiet enough
too loud to show my face
& the colour it really is
someday i will know me
better than he thinks he does
 
 
belly gone bad
02 November 2002 @ 11:15 am
so here are my bouts of words misused and all. there are the things you say in your head and there are the things you really say. well my head is always babbling and i wonder if i will ever say any of that to someone. will i ever be so rapid? in life i say nothing. mounds of people tell me i dont talk enough and i am too quiet and it doesnt bother me i just wonder if it is bad?

next year steven intends to come to school here..and part of me is happy and part of me is jealous that he can do that kinda thing and i cant. why cant i? because i have horrible credit? and not much money? i doubt it.or because i dont have good enough reason i dont dream myself to be much? it doesnt matter how nicely he looks at me.. and i plead for him to look me in the eyes..sometimes he just cant and i always have been able to with everyone even if i do blush i just need to look them in the eyes it makes me feel awkward to not look people in the eyes. guilty even so what does that mean?

my dad is yelling up stairs about something which makes me want to retire to my room quickly. not much is happening this weekend.. just working. i have to make up a list for this new project i voluteered to do for church.. i am taking photos of all the people/families for the directory.. and it made me so excited when i found out.. i love little things i get to make.. i just dont know if my photo taking skills are up to it.

steven and i were planning on him to come up here for thanksgiving but tickets became way too expensive so now we are aiming for newyears.. which is good.. you know i have never been with someone on new years. gosh. being as corrupted as people have claimed to corrupting me it is strange.. sometimes to admit to that. i cant help but end in prepositions ever. i am greatly grammatically incorrect constantly.

(the yelling stopped a paragraph ago so i am still here)

i feel lost today. and i dont know how to fix that. everything i think i want is so far away and hurtful to even think of because of the distance..because of possibilities you cant find out unless you do the difficulties.

i replaced the broken stereo this week with a mini version.. i dressed up kinda for halloween.. i have dreams about spanish class and steven tells me it's cause that is the extent of me getting out (to places besides church and walmart).. he's probably right. heh.

sugar.1 o'clock.the way my legs shake.he's away.you are too.

okay i am not going to forget why i came here and what i have to do.

-ta-ta
 
 
Current Mood: dont worry i am not depressed
Current Music: +belle&sebastian+
 
 
 
belly gone bad
22 October 2002 @ 04:24 pm


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am back home.
did i tell you about the snow?
it s n o w e d.

+smiles from me+
 
 
belly gone bad
14 October 2002 @ 12:29 pm
things i still have to do=
*finish laundry
*clean bathroom
*eat lunch
*not eat any more burnt cookies(explanation to come)
*find hiking boots&pea coat
*somehow reach mitten behind dryer or find missing favorite mitten

things i have done=
*baked cookies (and in result because i baked in my pajamas burned my right chest part.. i think they have grown i have never mis estimated that before. heh.. but ow!
*started laundry
(not much)

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steven is going to be here soon. no words. but a memory of the last time he was here and how nice it was.. i hate going through when he leaves.. cause i feel like i am missing something. i just feel like i dont want to get that attached again.. but i know i will..and im just a little nervous cause of the last time my family was planning on going on a trip and i ruined it.. and i am still having trouble picture us all together. i need to focus and figure out truely what i want cause this questioning is doing me in.
 
 
belly gone bad
14 October 2002 @ 08:16 am

[weekend:parents got a new car, visited grandparents new house, sister learns how to do cartwheel]
 
 
belly gone bad
11 October 2002 @ 09:22 pm
i found out yesterday my eyes grew.. so i need new glasses. my parents are fighting right now.. about money i hate these kinda fights.. it makes my stomach sink.. i havent been eating much today.. just dont feel hungry.. felt really happy for a while.. but the stomach sinking makes me scared.. like anxious what if i have a seizure scared.. i can hear my mom yell my dads name if something bad happens.. and it makes me afraid.. and i want to cry.. i know i shouldnt worry. i cant worry.. no more worries. my eyes grew..the washingmachine is pounding the floor above me.. my eyes grew.
 
 
belly gone bad
11 October 2002 @ 08:40 am
i must see tuck everlasting!! i havent seen a movie in a while and if i dont go see my grandparents on sunday i have to convince someone to bring me to the movie theatre. dont let me forget.


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i just did something questionable..but it makes me SMILE!!! i hope it has a positive outcome.

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